Mark Tales of Parenting, Tales of Fatherhood, Growing Old 4 Comments

Embarrassing Dad

I’d always assumed the path to embarrassing dad status would be a gradual one. A prolonged period of otherwise insignificant events, condensed into a single anecdote. A retrospective title earned through hindsight on my part and much exaggeration on theirs.

Talking a little too loudly about someone on the very next table, maybe. A drunken dance at a wedding, quite possibly. One too many Ferris Bueller quotes, Anyone? … Anyone? … Anyone?

I’d also assumed it would be on my own terms and for my own amusement. For what it’s worth, I had it penciled in for 2023 so as to coincide with their early teenage years, thus allowing for maximum awkwardness and hilarity.

Failing that, if it was to be a single event it would be a spectacular one.… Read the full post

Mark Tales of Parenting, Growing Old 6 Comments

Age is just a number, but sleep is sleep!

It’s been a tough few days in my quest for eternal youth, and my self-esteem has taken a bit of battering in the process.

Yesterday whilst walking through the park, I heard,

“Yo grandad! Can you pass us our ball?”

Grandad? GRANDAD?! Sorry, but would a grandad be able to do … jeez, my back!

“Sorry lads, good luck getting your ball out of the tree.”

I’d like to say it was an act of defiance. Truth is I sliced it, such is life with ageing knees.

This was just hours after grumbling to myself, as I often do, about the recent trend in men’s skinny tracksuit pants. Do they not look in the mirror before leaving the house? Am I the only one seeing chicken drumsticks?… Read the full post

Mark Tales of Parenting, Growing Old 4 Comments

Technologically Challenged

I’m technologically challenged. There, I’ve said it.

Just before Christmas we switched from Sky to Virgin, since when I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time staring blankly at menu screens on the TV. I find change difficult; finding channels more difficult still. Has anyone seen BBC4?

Refusing to be beaten I did what any man of a more mature age would do; I read the instructions. Cover to cover. Demanding silence from all in the house so I could concentrate, glasses perched high on my forehead so I could read the not-so-small print.

Somehow I managed to find the BBC iPlayer. I wasn’t looking for it. Now I can’t turn it off.

Then there was the simple task of setting up the Wi-Fi.… Read the full post

Mark Tales of Embarrassment, Tales of School, Growing Old 6 Comments

Hoosier Dad

I’m not one for new year resolutions, what with me being willpower intolerant and all.

Don’t mock me now, it’s a genuine medical condition. The nurse diagnosed me as such at my over-forty health check. I think. She definitely mentioned something about willpower, the rest was a little hazy. To be honest I was still reeling from her suggesting my blood sample was 90% butter.

Then there’s the blackouts. Just this morning I came over all dizzy at the thought of a banana for breakfast. Weirdly I regained consciousness in a café with a full English breakfast in front of me?

Despite this chronic condition I’ve still set myself some goals for the year.

I’ve already started my learning to draw journey.… Read the full post

Mark Growing Old 6 Comments

Post 40 Denial

I have my 40+ health check this week.

It’s not helping with my post 40 denial but it’ll be fine because I’m sat here drinking herbal tea, and everyone knows that replacing coffee with Chinese green tea for a couple of days can reverse twenty five years of abusing your body.

No really, it was a headline in the Daily Express, below the story where they channelled the spirit of Princess Diana to predict the best/worst/wettest/windiest winter/summer on record {delete as appropriate}.

This is the same appointment I had to collect a urine sample pot for last week. See, how easy is that, ‘urine sample pot’.

When I approached the doctors receptionist I wasn’t prepared. I wanted to say ‘piss pot’.… Read the full post

Mark Growing Old 8 Comments

Turning Forty

marks-marblesI made it to forty! I know, I’m as surprised as you are.

Looking back it’s been a tough few years. I lost my job, my house and for a year or two my marbles, but I’ve come out the other side blessed with meeting Janet. I’ve helped spawn two gorgeous boys (even if I am a wee bit biased), a wonderful family and despite everything thrown at me, a renewed hope and optimism for the future. So rather than analyse it too much I’m going to tick the decade off as a success and run. Fast!

It’s a cliché to say life begins at any age but for me forty is pivotal. Come September Sonny and Luca will both be at school full-time and my role as a stay-at-home dad will be on shaky ground, particularly as Janet is doing the shaking.… Read the full post